Silent Saturday

Learning to buckle is hard work.

(PS- I am a stickler for car safety and the fact that the buckle was twisted drove me crazy. But she was focused so I waited until she asked for help before fixing it. Learning to buckle is hard work for moms too!)

Homemade Calendar for Preschoolers

Last school year, Ryann had a hard time being dropped off at school. As the spring progressed she got more and more anxious at drop off and even cried a couple times. At the same time she started to say she hated school and didn't want to go. I didn't want her to be miserable at school so I asked her teacher for some help getting to the bottom of her discontent.

Her only suggestion was that Ryann seemed fixated on who was picking her up each day. Some days I picked her up, some days her Papa and once a week (sometimes twice) her dad would pick her up for his visitation. While I verbally lead Ryann through each day, she needed something more to make the pick-up schedule concrete in her head. Her teacher suggested a calendar.

Great, I thought! Buying a calendar should be easy. So as soon as possible we trekked to Target and combed through all the calendars they had. As I looked though, I realized how kid unfriendly your average calendar is. There was just so much going on. Too many dates, not enough emphasis on the days of the week and in general too many distractions from the current day. All of this is too much for a kid who can't read and doesn't even have a firm grasp on the days of the week or the passing of time.

I wanted a weekly calendar that made it easy to differentiate each day without reading but that would also show the rhythm of the week ahead. I needed to be able to label it with the name of the person picking her up and that needed to be easy to understand for a pre-reader as well. Once I figured out what I needed, I left the calendar section and gathered materials to make my own.

I used multicolor foam sheets, glitter foam sheets, stick-on velcro squares and markers.

Each weekday is represented by a different color. Saturday and Sunday are the same color to show that they are weekend days and there is no school. I wrote the day of the week nice and bold at the top of each foam sheet.

Then I cut the glitter foam sheets into strips and had Ryann pick the colors for each person's name. She picked orange for me because it's my favorite color. Purple for Papa because it's her favorite color (and Papa is her favorite!). And blue for her dad because he has a blue shirt, she said. Ryann helped me write the names and attach the velcro squares to the backs. We also put velcro on the days of the week so they are easy to change around as the schedule changes.

We hung the calendar up on the wall, keeping the weekend days together so it was easier to understand than a traditional calendar. 

Once the calendar was in practice it was like magic! Ryann immediately stopped saying she hated going to school and within a week was no longer being ultra clingy as I dropped her off in the morning. Confidence in the weekly schedule helped her relax into her school day and have fun.

This project is easy to customize for any schedule. Depending on your child's ability level, you could populate the whole week with activities! I chose to focus on only one thing as Ryann's introduction to a schedule and the days of the week, but it will be easy to adapt as her understanding grows.

Silent Saturday

Maria Montessori would not approve. But sometimes moms need to clean the kitchen and this is what happens.

Back to school

And back to blogging! I took an unplanned break from blogging this summer and while it was necessary at the time, I miss this space and still have lots to share.

For now, Ryann started back at Montessori school last week and she transitioned back into the classroom so seamlessly it was actually surprising. She spent much of the summer missing her teachers and friends but I wasn't sure if that was going to translate into an easy transition. 

Something about being 4 years old is making all the difference though and she's having lots of fun with no tears at drop off.

My first guest post

I have entered the territory of "guest poster" and I'm so excited! My good friend and mommy blogger over at Busy at Home let me post a story about a project Ryann organized. Head over to Busy at Home to read my post and also check out Susan's other posts as they are never less than inspiring.

Stay tuned for a post about Ryann's toy room makeover as well. Yet another major project organized by a three-year-old. I will show you guys what we did and what I learned about interior designing with a preschooler later this week.

Montessori in the news

The Wall Street Journal wrote a great article about Montessori.  I'm sure you've seen it by now, but I love this article. It doesn't give any misinformation about the method, discuss pros and cons of traditional school or other education methods. Instead it simply says: These creative people all had similar education, is there something worth looking at here?

Love and Lunch

In a desperate attempt to make any food more palatable to my 3-year-old connoisseur, I often send her with fun lunches. Due to my inability to plan ahead, this more often than not includes such quick and easy things as cheese or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches cut into shapes with cookie cutters. Her fruits and veggies are carefully separated with silicone cupcake liners shaped like butterflies. And I have a bunch more ideas I plan to break out as the school year unfolds.

There are things I can't make palatable thrown in there too of course. Like edamame, which can send her into hysterics if she notices it's there, or pretzel rods (I keep trying though!). Or sometimes I have to pack an unplanned extra lunch one week and end up throwing together anything and hope she'll eat it.

One day when came to school to pick Ryann up the head teacher said, "I wish someone would pack butterfly sandwiches in my lunch!" To which I said, "Aren't they cool? Ryann picked out the shape" but for some reason inside I cringed. I suddenly became acutely aware that I was one of those working moms who overcompensates for not being home with an adorable lunch. In that moment I didn't feel judged by her teacher, but I felt this weight of the realization that while I felt like I wasn't overcompensating, maybe I was. And even if that wasn't what I was doing, maybe other people saw it that way and was that the way I wanted to be seen?

Then I read this lovely post about showing your kids you love them over at Simple Kids that put me back in the proper perspective. One of the many ways Kara listed to show your child you love them (rather than just saying it over and over) was to write notes in their lunch box. I realized that as the mom of a pre-reader, my love note WAS the lunch. A lunch packed with care means so much more than just lunch. Of course Ryann's teacher was just expressing how good it feels to have someone pack you something you will enjoy, just for you. Apparently Ryann showed everyone in the classroom her butterfly pb&j that day. It meant a lot to her. And it means a lot to me to be able to make her day special.

We have a winner!

The winner of the Montessori folding cloth/napkin giveaway was generated by Random.org.


Commenter number two was Leslie!

Leslie said...

These are lovely! I've been wanting them forever for my Montessori based Sunday School program! I'm in! Thanks for the giveaway!

Congrats Leslie! To claim your prize, please email brandi@reallifemontessori.com

Quick reminder--Montessori giveaway

Don't forget, this is the last day to enter the Montessori napkin giveaway!

Montessori Folding Cloth, Napkin Giveaway

This giveaway is closed.

I've said before that our morning routine could use some work. Ryann is hard to wake, and then getting through all the steps on the way out the door can take forever. Our whole routine is rushed and parent-led, which is unproductive and frustrating for us both.

I recently started getting out all the things Ryann needs to make her own cereal, before she wakes up. This way, I can go get her before I'm finished getting ready myself and she has more time to leisurely make and eat her breakfast while I have more time to leisurely put myself together. It's so wonderfully child- and mommy-friendly.

Isn't it cute? I thought the napkin made it classier. Like you would want to sit down and eat your Cheerios if you had a napkin. Ryann won't eat Cheerios even then; I'm not sure how she survived babyhood without Cheerios... but I digress.

Buying napkins for the dinner table reminded me of folding cloths, the cloths used in Montessori classrooms to practice folding. I've seen Ryann steal away washcloths and trace an imaginary line before folding them. It seemed like napkins would be an awesome thing to practice with, as well as spruce up the table.

However, there aren't many usable options for folding cloths on the internet, I've found. They are all drab, expensive and not something you would wipe your mouth with. I assume because they are made for classrooms and not dining rooms. So I made my own with a sewing machine and cute napkins from Target. And I'm giving away four!

These napkins are 100% cotton and goldenrod yellow with dark red contrasting tread, so it's easy for kids to see where they should make the various folds. Each cloth has a different one of the traditional folding patterns on it for lots of practice before mealtimes. 

To enter, just leave a comment before Friday at midnight (EST). For an extra entry, "like" the Real Life Montessori page on Facebook and leave another comment saying you did. I'll announce the winner on Saturday.

Projects in 2011

I'm not usually one for resolutions, but this year I just happen to be starting a few new things in January.

I work part time at a University and my schedule changes each semester. This spring will have Ryann eating lunch at school two days a week. In the fall she only packed a lunch on the day her dad picks her up from school and I'm sad to say I was not always on the ball. Most weeks I would have a moment of panic on Tuesday mornings trying to find something to pack in her lunch box that she would actually eat. We don't eat a lot of packaged foods so it was a challenge coming up with something other than pb&j every week. Now with two lunches a week I feel I need to step up my game and get organized.

Enter, the bento!



I bought this Bento Box because I feel like the cute design will help sell the lunch to my picky eater, but it's really not necessary. I have long been a fan of site like Just Bento and of Japanese culture (with three years of 日本語 under my belt, I should be!) so I have been looking forward to packing bentos for a very long time.

A bento, for those unfamiliar, is simply a boxed lunch. Not much different from a Western lunch other than the type of container and food, but I do believe the presentation of said food is generally considered more important in a bento. I plan on packing a combination of Japanese and American food choices and I hope it helps Ryann expand her palette. Once we receive Ryann's bento box, I will post pictures of a few of her lunches.

Speaking of pictures, another one of my loves is photography and I've started a big photo project this year. A friend of mine has inspired me to do a 365. One photo every day for a year. You can check out my progress here if you would like to see a little more of everyday life in our house.

And finally, in 2011 I will be doing my first giveaway! Monday Tuesday I will be giving away items that follow the Montessori method but are used every day. It's so lovely when giveaways fit a theme, isn't it?

Happy Holidays

Wishing you peace, joy, and love.  -Brandi and Ryann

On Autonomy and Coats

It's definitely winter in our neck of the woods. Cold, snowy, icy winter. Even so, this is Ryann on the way to her winter concert the other day.

I guess she doesn't mind the cold because that girl does not wear a coat.

She will wear a coat when she's playing outside. But between the house and the car? Not going to happen. She gets hot in the car. And safely navigating a coat and her car seat is complicated business. I don't blame her for choosing to be cold for a short amount of time to avoid the mess entirely.

Sometimes I feel invisible (or visible) pressure from others to make her wear a coat. And it makes me doubt her ability to make this decision. If it is cold, is it my responsibility to make sure she is warm? What do people think when they see her running around in a sweatshirt and me wearing a warm coat (carrying hers)? Is this bad parenting?

I realize there is a certain point where it could be dangerous, you don't want to freeze your child over some silly coat issue. I always suggest she wear her coat, I remind her that I have it when we get in and out of the car. But is it my responsibility to make her wear it?

I was struggling with this the other day when I realized I was greatly overthinking it and so was anyone who looks at me sideways when she jumps out of the car.

Why would I be in control of her coat? Only she knows if she's cold. I can think she's cold. I can assume she's cold based on temperature or how cold I am, but I don't really know. And being cold is not some abstract concept with far-reaching consequences that children don't understand, like eating your vegetables. It's immediate. It's right now. Even babies know if they are cold.

And what's worse is if you don't trust children to regulate their own body temperature, you've just turned something as simple as how warm they are into a battle of wills. Suddenly your child actually is cold, but doesn't want to admit it because they only way he was able to practice any autonomy was after arguing about it for 10 minutes. Wearing a coat should never be about pride, it should be able being warm.

So Ryann doesn't wear a coat when she doesn't want to. Even if it's really cold. Even if I feel weird seeing her without a coat on. I make sure she doesn't freeze by dressing her warmly and prewarming the car on very cold days. But for the most part, she knows when she needs a coat. And I don't spend half my morning arguing about something as silly as someone else's body temperature.

Getting Started with Montessori Education

A reader recently left a comment on one of my posts asking for book recommendations for people just dipping their toes into the Montessori method. As I went to respond I realized quickly my post would turn into a book of its own and decided it would make a fantastic post!

I also realized that I've never explained how I got involved in Montessori. Partially it's because I don't really remember how it happened. I've always been a single mom and when I found myself pregnant and unsure of what was coming next in my life I did what I always do, I Googled. I am a researcher by nature and a perfectionist about things that are important, like my child, so I quickly became an expert in all things baby. I think it was in this mad search for understanding that I ran across Montessori somewhere in the ether. As a former unschooler, education philosophies are very important to me and this one was interesting. But school seemed a long way off and I kind of set the idea on the back burner.

When Ryann was about six months old my mom, knowing my interest in Montessori, got me Maria Montessori: Her Life and Work at the library. It's a biography of her life, but also goes into some of the specifics of the method, its effectiveness and outcomes. It's a very interesting book and really got me interested in her work. Which then led to reading Montessori from the Start: The Child at Home, from Birth to Age Three. To be honest, I never finished this book. It is good. Fascinating even. But it definitely has a black and white, right and wrong view of how your house should be and it doesn't seem very realistic to a laissez-faire person like me. I would like to go back and read this again though, as I might have a different take on it now.

After that introduction, I found Montessori blogs to be a great source of information. I tend to gravitate towards blogs that explain the methodology rather than worksheets and printables. Some of my favorites are MariaMontessori.com, Montessori Matters, A Montessori Musing Place, Confessions of a Montessori Mom and The Montessori Child at Home.

Teach Me to Do It Myself: Montessori Activities for You and Your Child is a book of activities anyone can do with their toddlers and preschoolers. It's a well-written book with lots of pictures but it is low on real Montessori info and most of the activities are easily found on blogs and elsewhere on the internet. A quick read that can help you brainstorm ways to incorporate practical life activities into your daily routine. Again, I feel this book is more for Type A people who want to check off lists. I prefer to just clean the house and let the learning happen as it may.

I have since also read Dr. Montessori's Own Handbook  which is  great to get a better understanding of the lessons and how they work together. But my most favorite source for how to give lessons are the Margaret Homfray lectures. Margaret Homfray learned from Montessori herself and it is so fortunate that her lectures were video taped before her death because the information she imparts is really amazing. The videos are long, and sometimes rambling. But also interesting and probably the most direct, hands-on look at the method that you will get outside of a classroom.

I think these are all fantastic resources to get anyone started. I am far from an expert and could stand to do more reading myself, but I think the secret to understanding the world of a Montessori parent is to not get bogged down with the details of what lessons to do when or how many index cards to laminate, but instead immerse yourself in the ideals and core values of Montessori education. Then you will better be able to understand why the lessons work the way they do, and more importantly, why you would want your child to do them.

Sexism Through Toys

Gender stereotypes drive me crazy. Of all the things I am neurotic about as a mom, gender stereotypes are at the top of my list. I think it's because it's so limiting for kids. They are taught at alarmingly young ages that they are only capable of a select few traits, professions and interests. And I actually think boys are put in smaller boxes than girls, but girls don't have it much better.

It's easy to think we must be past this by now. It's 2010 and we are post-feminism, right? We can all be doctors and scientists and mathematicians.

And it's easy to think that these gender preferences in young kids have to do with innate differences in their DNA. That boys will be boys and girls will be girls.

Except despite my insistence that girls are equal to boys, my daughter doesn't believe women can be bosses. She told me I was silly when I said my boss was a girl. She objected to the mere idea that a woman could be in a position of power, not that she had different tendencies than a man.

These messages are EVERYWHERE. And it pains me.

Pigtail Pals recently wrote a blog post, Have Yourself a Very Sexist Holiday, about the messages kids get from toy advertising. It is insane to me that this would be just as pervasive as when I was a child, but boys and girls are told they play with different things, through advertising.

Of course to a certain extent this is likely true. Boys like to be active, girls like to nurture things. I won't argue against the concept (here. I might elsewhere...). But what about a child that goes against the mold? What about a girl who wants to play with trains? Where are the girl trains? Or a boy who wants to love on a doll? Where are the boy dolls?

Definitely food for thought as we start our holiday shopping.

Ryann's toys when she was a toddler

I strive for equality in Ryann's toy selection. She has babies, barbies and dollhouses. But she also has action figures, sports equipment and spaceships. When given a choice between Disney Princess roller skates or Toy Story (boy) roller skates she picked Toy Story without any qualms that they weren't pink. Or purple, as that is her favorite color.

Unfortunately this still takes courage, as a parent, to foster. You have to believe that gender stereotypes are only healthy when they don't limit your child's growth. And you have to not bat an eye when your child choses interests outside of his or her gender. You don't redirect to more "gender appropriate" things. You have to have the courage to let them be who they are.

My little War Machine this Halloween

Lazy Sunday

We've been so busy lately. It seems like we've both been all over the place. Ryann at her dad's every other weekend, me picking up a second part-time job in the last couple weeks and a "quick" trip to D.C. for the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear before Halloween. We've barely had time to catch our breath! So it was nice to hang out at home in our jammies today.

Impasse

The atmosphere in our house isn't what I wish it to be. It was one of those things that creeps up on you slowly and doesn't complain much so you don't notice. Our house is calm. And respectful. And nice. But something still isn't right.

Ryann has been more and more clingy lately. That was the first sign I needed to pay more attention. I feel our life has been such a constant state of flux lately that I almost didn't notice. She doesn't want to do anything. She doesn't help me cook or clean like she used to. She doesn't play by herself. She doesn't want to read books. She just is much of the time.

As I've been brainstorming ways to make our lives more dynamic, I ran across this old post from The Magic Onions that put all the pieces together for me. Ryann and I were struggling in the "let's have fun today!" department because I had forgotten that kids don't always know how to play or set up a game on their own. More importantly, I forgot that my first job as a mother is to help her with her work and not always focus on my own.

Of course Ryann and I play, this is not the issue in and of itself. We've gone on many safari's looking for animals in trouble. We've played the make-all-the-Yo-Gabba-Gabba-toys-sing-at-the-same-time game more times than I can count. We are often airplanes, flying through the living room. Or even, rarely, loving mothers to a collection of dolls. I understand the important part I play in these games, especially in a one child household, but I had somewhere along the way forgotten to give it reverence.

There is one part that stuck out to me the most though... it was:

Involve your children in your work – your real work where they can contribute and feel as if they played a vital role. Use singing, warmth, stories to draw your child in rather than commands to “help” which usually causes the child to run the other way!

I obviously try to involve Ryann in my work, but she often resists it lately when I ask her to help. I don't tell her to help me. Just saying something as innocent as, "do you want to help me make cookies today?" can send the kid into hysterics and it made no sense to me! Who doesn't want to make cookies??? says my rational mind. I am a live and let live type of person, so I quickly stopped asking Ryann if she wanted to help and she definitely renewed some interest in things like laundry or randomly dumping ingredients into a batch of muffins. She still wasn't as focused on the work as she's been in the past though. I guess at some point I forgot to make it fun. How pleasantly simple.

In the admittedly short time I've been a mother, I've discovered any time you are at an impasse with your child it's your perspective that needs to change, not him or her. I'll forever be amazed at how much Ryann's behavior changes when I change my expectations. Of her or myself.

 

Redesign

I finally got around to making this blog a little more my own. I'll be adding and subtracting from this design in the coming weeks so don't mind the dust!

Hope you like the new look! And if you don't (or do), please let me know in the comments :) I know I always hate when blogs change their theme too much as it takes me a bit to settle back in.

Attachment Parenting and Montessori

I am a Montessori inspired attachment parent. At first it probably seems these two ideas oppose each other. How are you "attached" yet promoting independence in your child? But in my interpretation, Montessori education is an extension of my attachment parenting for at least one reason.

Both follow the child.

In fact, I would argue that following the cues and needs of your child is the ONLY tenant of attachment parenting. Dr. Sears, the leading authority on attachment parenting has the 7 Baby Bs, but they all have the baby's needs at heart. You trust your child to tell you what he or she needs; you respect a crying baby as a person who needs something. And you attend to those needs appropriately. You could follow none of the "Baby Bs" and if it was truly based on a deep connection with what your child was telling you through their cries and behavior, you are an attached parent.

By the time your child is two or three, most of the things you "do" as an attachment parent are done. Your baby is weaned, is able to walk and doesn't want to be worn, may have even moved into their own bedroom (not my child, lol) and is ready to assert his or her independence. A true attachment parent would read these cues and respond to their child's changing needs. Attachment parenting isn't about "babying" a toddler, it's about babying a baby who is unable to be independent.

It's about being child focused instead of parent focused. Which is really the magic of Montessori. The method not about independence, independence is the end result of giving a child exactly what they need to grow. Montessori doesn't throw children into an adult world and expect them to take care of themselves. It observes the needs and abilities of individuals, waits for their readiness and leads them with just the right amount of help along the way.

Montessori and attachment parenting are based on the same basic principle. That children know their needs, have an instinct to progress into functional individuals and if you give them what they need when they need it they will grow into the best version of themselves.

Would Maria Montessori advocate attachment parenting? Probably not. But I don't see conflict in these approaches. They both feel right to me and have influenced Ryann's growth in positive ways. Which is what being an attachment parent is all about.

Transitions, part II

Whew! What a whirlwind Montessori school has been! This past month just flew by.

The transition was in fact tough. Ryann rebelled. And the first two weeks had me doubting that she could handle five days a week in school. She came back energized each day, but crying into her pillow every morning that "I just want to stay home" had me worried.

And then things magically fell into place. She woke up excited to get to school after about three weeks. She loves her teachers, especially her "boy teacher" as she calls the male assistant in her room. She comes home with lots of collage work. And you can see her apply what she learns at school at home, like walking softly, using careful movements and taking care of her own dressing and care. All things I had encouraged at home but she had resisted.

I feel we are over the hump and getting comfortable in our routine, which is a relief. I have a number of posts rattling around in my head so be on the lookout for more from me. I had worried that once school started I would be less motivated to keep this blog, but I actually think the reverse is true. Especially as I interact with the parents at Ryann's school who really want and need resources for extending their childrens' education into their everyday life.